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| Tek Flats |
Sunrise: 4:33am
Sunset: 11:31pm
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| Tek Flats |
Well this week was a doozy. Despite things being really good recently, I've been continuously struggling with the fact I'm going
back to the SE for 2.5 years, not particularly enjoying my job (most of the time), and trying to handle the rapid deterioration of my grandparents health.
Monday started out with a ride into the park to check on my Highway Pass station because someone said there were bear cubs "chewing on the station". After 2.5 hours of driving, I arrived at my station to find not even a remote sign of bear. I have no doubt there were bears there, at some point. Sows, spring cubs, and male bears have been romping the area all season. But today? No sign of bear. Which is good. And hey - It got me out of the office.
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| Tek Flats |
Monday night I hung out with a large group of NR seasonals. It was fun - Good food and good company, but I wasn't particularly in the mood to socialize. Not with a group that large. And not after getting a dismal update on the health of my grandparents. The socialization was a also a reminder of what I love about seasonal work: The great communities you find. And it made me realize how much I wasn't ready to leave Alaska.
Tuesday was not only a bus day, but a day I was determined to go hiking. There were a couple of places I had in mind to hike, but since I had a 4 hour drive out to the EVC, I decided to wing it and pick my destination later in the morning.
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| Tek Flats |
By the time we got out to the EVC, it was misting, fog was so low I could barely see my feet, and the temperatures were hovering in the 30s. I lost all motivation to hike. Anywhere. The feeling bothered me. I was pumped to go hiking and I
knew it would make me feel better, and yet the weather and my own bitter emotions left me paralyzed on the bus. Instead of picking a location, I put in my headphones and listed to a random mix of songs and tried to escape from my own head.
By the time we reached the Tek rest stop (about an hour from park HQ and what would have been the end of my work day), I mentally slapped myself and told myself to "suck it up and get the heck outside. Take a walk. Listen to your own advice -- If you aren't happy, change something".
So I got off the bus as it was about to pull out of the rest area, and went for a walk.
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| Near Kantishna Airstrip |
I headed for the Teklanika (river) flats, which wasn't so much of a hike as a stroll along the river. I called out to scare bears and got my feet wet crossing some of the smaller braids of the river. I meandered, slowly. Giant cumulus clouds puffed in the sky and before I knew it, I was out of sight
and sound of the road. I sat by a slower, small braid and breathed in deeply the fresh air that was empty of work, people, and buses. I smiled and exhaled my momentary poisonous thoughts.
The walk was good. Even though I was in designated wilderness and no where near a trail, walking on the gravel bed felt like a trail. It felt safe though, which is what I think I needed for hiking alone out there. It was hard to decide when to turn around. The gravel bars keep going and going -- So how far do you go? I eventually reached a harder braid to cross and called it quits.
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| Say Hello to my little friend. :) |
When I got into the office early Wednesday morning, I got an email informing me that one of the maintenance guys had knocked down me Reconyx camera (critical data) at my Highway Pass site... with a grater. He had put it back upright, but we all suspected not in the correct position, and possibly not even functioning any more. I wasn't in the mood to work and had
hoped it meant another field trip into the park, but we decided to wait on it until tomorrow. Instead, I spent a long day at my desk and in the afternoon, preparing a second tripod stand anticipating the worst at the site for when I visited it on Thursday.
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| End of the Park road |
Wednesday evening I finally got an update on my grandparents health. The conversation with my dad had started out light hearted, casually discussing graduate school and my plans for when I come home in 2 weeks. When I asked about my grandparents, I sunk a little. The news wasn't bad, but it wasn't good. To make matters worse, my Dad suggested that instead of visiting them in Aug while I was home, I should focus on moving to SC and starting school with a fresh mind.
I sank a little more. As usual my priorities were:
career > everything else.
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| McKinley River |
I let it all sink in and reminded myself that the situation (my grandparents health) is what it is, and I can't change anything. I accepted the inevitable, at least for the night. Then my sister called. She ranted about this and that before I gave her the update. She asked me how I was handling it all. I shrugged silently in my head, before she suggested I was avoiding my own emotions.
I suppose it's true, that I might be swallowing what I'm feeling, but I think the truth is, I don't know what to feel. What's happening is going to happen regardless of what I do or don't feel.
Thursday I woke up feeling better. As I drove out to check on my Highway Pass site (which turned out to be in perfectly fine condition), the radio was picking up surprisingly good reception. With good tunes coming in and out on the radio, I decided that today wasn't so bad. The afternoon that I spent back in the office was slow as usual, but continued to make progress on the copious amounts of data I had to process.
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| Carlson Creek |
Thursday evening I was supposed to drink with friends and then take Friday off for adventures, but plans changed, as usual, and Friday turned into a flight day (Bummer. :] ) Regardless, when Thursday evening finally rolled around, I was tired, moody, and not feeling social. My sister's departing words the evening before resonated in my head. I went out anyway in hopes it would cheer me up. It did. :] I called the role of DD mostly to prevent myself from drinking. Partially because I didn't want to be hungover while flying on Friday, but mostly because I knew I only wanted to drink so I could drink my emotions -- and I know better than that.
I stayed up later than anticipated anyway, but went to bed in a good mood and slept soundly for the first time all week. It felt good.
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| Pretty start to our flight day. :) |
When my alarm clock started singing at 5:30am Friday morning, I pushed snooze -- multiple times. Finally rolling out of bed, I made my way to HQ, just to drive down to the airstrip to ultimately spend the morning laying in the sun and the better half of the afternoon in the 191 NPS Helicopter. Part of PPE while heli flying is a flightsuit. As ridiculous as it sounds, I was really excited. My fondest memories of my Dad are him coming home from work sporting his drag green flight suit. Wearing one myself made me feel really close to my Dad, and I liked that feeling. :]
Our flight day was long, but really successful. I love flying and I'm really glad Davyd gave me the opportunity to help him set up his 2 backcountry stations. The first one was west of the McKinley River (an amazing river, by the way). We landed in a boggy area which soaked my feet on first step. The second site was near Carlson Creek, about 5,000 ft up, nestled in a bowl surrounded by some still snow covered craggy peaks. Super pretty. :)
I was really tired for the 45 minute flight back, but forced myself to stay awake to take pictures. I'm glad I did. :) When I finally made it back home though, I was tired and still a little sunken from the week. I cooked a big dinner, brownies from scratch, and thoroughly enjoyed some Alaskan Whites.
A friend came over that night and unknowingly cheered me up. For the second time that week, I spent the night sleepy soundly.
"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which
you really stop to look fear in the face.. Do the thing you think you
cannot do." <3
